Please Officer, There’s a Cat in My Garden!

Once more we have a story that demonstrates how little the police understand the law. So, a cat wanders into a neighbour’s garden –  as they do –  and the neighbour decides that the cat’s owner is harassing him and reports the matter to the police. This, then, tends to illustrate just how petty a society we have become. Cats have been around mankind for millennia and we have rubbed along pretty well. The cats get to forage and we get low level pest control. Some people don’t like cats –  indeed, the usual cat hater bollocks abounds in the comments to this story about thousands of pounds worth of plants being destroyed and all that guff.

It isn’t true of course. I have always lived in areas where there are cats and the only plant we have lost directly through cats is a thyme that one of ours will insist upon sleeping on and every time we replace it, she makes a bed on it again and the cycle goes on. She like the smell, I suppose. Neighbours’ cats don’t come in and ruin our garden even though they do occasionally scrap with the residents. They do not wipe out whole swathes of garden –  the snails and slugs have a damned good try, but not he cats. The gardens around here are all pretty well kept and the flora is doing just fine despite it being cat city with just about everyone with a few exceptions having cats. No, the cat hating comes from the same school of spite as the puritan prohibitionists who hate smokers and want to euthanase them and are busy moving onto the drinkers and the fatties. The misanthropes who want to ban everything and everyone of which they disapprove.

Having digressed, let’s get back to our kitty trespass story. What happened when this major crime was reported to the police? The police, naturally, told the neighbour that under the law, cats are allowed to wander freely as they are treated legally as wild animals. Therefore, stop wasting our time and piss off. They did say that, didn’t they?

Kishwar Khan was surprised when an officer knocked at his door to tick him off about the behaviour of his ginger and white cat, Tinkerbell.

Oh…

Yup, that’s right. Because they were ignorant of the law, they took the complaint seriously and went to talk to the cat’s owner. They even went on to justify their rampant ignorance and stupidity:

Inspector Jayne Forrest said: “Police were called following an allegation of harassment. When we receive any reports of this nature it’s vital officers follow up all lines of inquiry.”

“Harassment comes in many different forms and the incident described by Mr Khan formed part of an inquiry on that day.”

Yes, it does come in many forms. It does not take the form of someone’s cat walking in one’s garden and never has. Consequently, it is not vital that this line of enquiry be followed up.

Who do I contact about the badgers that come into my garden and dig up the lawns?

13 Comments

  1. Why didn’t this burk just buy a catapult instead of calling the rozzers?

    Cat-apult – geddit? BONG!

    I’ll get me coat……

  2. I freely admit that I do not particularly like cats, when they’re on the owner’s property or on public land we shall go our separate ways.

    When they’re on mine I accept that legally there is nothing to do when they shit in my garden. However providing I do not actively aim to harm the cat I am within my rights to discourage.

    Gardener’s hints:
    * Dried bramble cuttings laid down over bare earth
    * Quince cuttings (6″ long) placed upright in the earth on a close pattern
    * Rocks between plants
    * Garden hose close to hand
    * Making sure the kids do not make friends with the cats because “they’re cute”
    * Chase them off when seen
    * Let the drake do his thing protecting the ducks

    Or in other words, plenty of ways to limit the impact of the furry buggers without hurting anything or resorting to the law.

    May your cats be long lived, healthy and a minimal pest to your neighbours 🙂

  3. The British police just love proving that they are no longer fit for purpose at every chance they get.

    It’s amazing that these horribly intolerant people know they can phone the police over such nonsense and actually get a positive response from them.

    I wonder what would have happened if this was a cat burglar? No response for days, if at all.

  4. While not justifying the conduct of the police in any way, there’s probably some kind of long-running neighbourly feud going on here.

    But that cat would be welcome in my garden any day >^..^<

  5. “The British police just love proving that they are no longer fit for purpose at every chance they get.”

    ^
    This. So very much this.

    And what happened to all the bleating and whining that they do on their own forums about how they shouldn’t have to be dragged into neighbour disputes and Facebook spats? Yet given half a chance they’re in like Flynn!

    Lazy bar-stewards…
    👿

  6. Yes Occifer, l’ve spoken to the cat but she completely ignored me.

    Perhaps, you’d care to have a word yourself with her?

    Where is she, you ask? … Probably in next doors garden 😀

  7. While they are chasing cats, they do not have to chase cat burglars, who as eni fule kno are harder to catch.

    (No pun intended on the cat-ch)

  8. … the usual cat hater bollocks abounds in the comments to this story about thousands of pounds worth of plants being destroyed and all that guff.

    That’s vegetarians. They’re easy to confuse due to the very similar expressions of smug superiority worn almost permanently, though of course in the cats’ case it’s possibly deserved. 😉

  9. Actually, a very strong case for harassment can now be made here. However, it is one person using the power of the state to harass another.
    If I was the cat owner I’d call the police and say that my neighbor just used the threat of violence from the police force to harass me for a legal activity.

  10. Re 11 above. After reading the post I am sure that I too do not live in the UK. However my postcode tells me otherwise……

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